You Need a New TV If:
1. You think a subwoofer is a miniature dog that barks a lot.

You Need a New TV If:
2. You think modal density is how stupid people start and run their computers in safe mode.

You Need a New TV If:
3. The house outlet serving your television has amperage for your set top box or your mono speaker, but not both.

You Need a New TV If:
4. You are a black belt in TV rabbit ears manipulation.

You Need a New TV If:
5. You can kick start the TV if you hitch up the horse and wagon.

You Need a New TV If:
6. The only people who know how to fix your TV are 6 feet under.

You Need a New TV If:
7. The grandkids can’t find the remote, because there is no remote.

You Need a New TV If:
8. You watched the Olympics, the Super Bowl, and every episode of LOST alone.

You Need a New TV If:
9. You still use the headphones you bought for your TV. In 1976.

You Need a New TV If:
10. When people say high definition you say you’ll be working out more in the future.

You Need a New TV If:
11. You didn’t buy a plasma TV because you’re scared of needles.

You Need a New TV If:
12. Your VHS collection is not aging as gracefully as you’d expected.

You Need a New TV If:
13. Changing the channel dial makes a clicking sound.

You Need a New TV If:
14. Your broadcast channel spectrum only has one set of “Seinfeld” and/or “Law & Order” reruns going.

You Need a New TV If:
15. After violent snowstorms the neighbor’s kids come over to watch TV. And leave after 5 minutes.

You Need a New TV If:
16. You enjoyed the last time you watched “the Tonight Show”. When Johnny Carson was hosting.